On Black Friday:
Me, as I stepped in the door after work: Hurry, let’s get to the store before they close today. They are having a 25% off Black Friday sale!
Plum, reading her book without looking up: But if we don’t go to the store, you save ONE HUNDRED percent!
Well, common core math at its best!
On Puberty, Sex Education, and Religion:
Plum, after her sex education including menstrual period and intercourse: Mommy, so does it hurt when people have sex?
Me: Yes, for the first time for women.
Plum: What about for men?
Me: Umm… I don’t think so. I think they probably feel pretty good.
Plum: Wait a minute here, so you are telling me that sex hurts the first time for women, and they have to bleed once a month, AND they have to carry a baby for 9 months AND deliver them?! What about men? It’s not fair!
Me: Well, you shouldn’t look it that way. We GET TO carry babies and have the honor of deliver babies! We are powerful!
Plum, not buying it: Clearly God is sexist when he invented human!
On Not Adhering to Her Bedtime When Daddy is Not Home:
Me: You should be in bed now. It’s already 10 o’clock. Daddy will be so mad when he comes home.
Plum: Why? That he’s not home yet? BECAUSE I AM!
Plum: Mommy, you are like, literally, my Best Friend Forever.
Me: Aww.. that’s really sweet.
Plum, now managing my expectation and leveling with me: I mean, I will probably have friends that I want to spend more time with than I want to spend with you when I get older. But they will probably not be with me forever. But you will be my best friend forever.
Me: Awww.. you are my best friend too.
Plum: Well, more like I will be your best friend forever, and you will be mine, but not forever, because I will live longer than you.
Me, speechless with the profound realization that, yeah, this kid, my kid, IS my BFF.