On Black Friday:

Me, as I stepped in the door after work: Hurry, let’s get to the store before they close today.  They are having a 25% off  Black Friday sale!

Plum, reading her book without looking up: But if we don’t go to the store, you save ONE HUNDRED percent!

Well, common core math at its best!

On Puberty, Sex Education, and Religion:

Plum, after her sex education including menstrual period and intercourse: Mommy, so does it hurt when people have sex?

Me: Yes, for the first time for women.

Plum: What about for men?

Me: Umm… I don’t think so.  I think they probably feel pretty good.

Plum: Wait a minute here, so you are telling me that sex hurts the first time for women, and they have to bleed once a month, AND they have to carry a baby for 9 months AND deliver them?!  What about men?  It’s not fair!

Me: Well, you shouldn’t look it that way.  We GET TO carry babies and have the honor of deliver babies!  We are powerful!

Plum, not buying it: Clearly God is sexist when he invented human!

On Not Adhering to Her Bedtime When Daddy is Not Home:

Me: You should be in bed now.  It’s already 10 o’clock.  Daddy will be so mad when he comes home.

Plum:  Why?  That he’s not home yet? BECAUSE I AM!

On BFF:

Plum: Mommy, you are like, literally, my Best Friend Forever.

Me: Aww.. that’s really sweet.

Plum, now managing my expectation and leveling with me: I mean, I will probably have friends that I want to spend more time with than I want to spend with you when I get older.  But they will probably not be with me forever.  But you will be my best friend forever.

Me: Awww..  you are my best friend too.

Plum: Well, more like I will be your best friend forever, and you will be mine, but not forever, because I will live longer than you.

Me, speechless with the profound realization that, yeah, this kid, my kid, IS my BFF.